Managing Social Anxiety as a University Student

Off to university? Your family, friends and teachers will tell you that your best years are around the corner. Univeristy or college is a time to reinvent yourself, finally move out of your home, surround yourself with like-minded people and explore new and exciting possibilities for yourself. It’s supposed to be a time where you meet new people, find new romantic interests, party with your roommates, and perhaps join a club or two. We hear the stories of students becoming close with their professors, taking on research or teaching opportunities, and starting to build their own path.

But what happens if you are terrified to do it all? What if you have always been a “shy” or “introverted” person, who feels overwhelmed by all the “newness” - especially the new faces you will have to see? Perhaps your roommate is not “clicking” with you, your classes are just too damn big, and none of your professors even know your name? What if it seems like everyone already has their “clique” and you are, once again, alone and at times, lonely.

For someone with social anxiety, the transition to university or college is no easy feat. The bubble of highschool was, although difficult, at the very least familiar to you. You may have had “your place” and known how to get by day to day by sticking to the people you felt comfortable with. Now, you are a little fish in a big big pond, and the thought of starting from scratch is too terrifying to handle. 

What is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety is the intense fear of judgment or scrutiny of others. It is usually described as “always feeling in the spotlight”. People with social anxiety typically avoid small talk, meeting new people, large crowds, public speaking, or really anything that will draw attention to themselves. They feel generally depleted after a day of socializing and need to “recharge” their social battery often. Social anxiety can bring on many patterns of avoidance, as this is usually the “easiest” way to get through the day. 

Social Avoidance

When people avoid social situations out of fear of judgment, it can cause long term issues: poor social skills, academic or social issues with peers, loneliness or depression, avoidance of exercise or sports, lack of opportunities. How does this translate to the University or College setting? Missed in-person classes, avoiding presentations, isolation, internet or gaming addiction, using substances to alleviate the stress of socializing, lack of assertiveness or participation in class discussions, or generally feeling unfulfilled. 

Ok, let’s discuss the cycle of avoidance for a minute. It’s important to understand that although avoidance FEELS GOOD in the short term, it actually grows your social anxiety in the long-run. Your brain tells you “danger! Stay away!” when there is actually little to no threat. By listening to your brain and staying away, you are reassuring it, telling it “Ya! You may be right! Better stay away…!” and thus, reinforcing the anxious thought. What will happen next time you are faced with a similar situation? Better believe you will have the strong urge to stay away again! Anxiety is a vicious cycle.

So how do you avoid avoidance while on campus? 

Get to Know your Avoidance

The first step is to consider the patterns your avoidance takes. Do you tend to avoid in-person learning and just catch up on the material later? Do you tend to walk around campus only with your airpods to avoid talking to people? Do you tend to eat in the far corner or the cafeteria or not in the cafeteria at all to avoid the crowds? Get to know yourself, look for the patterns in your day that make you feel better but are likely symptoms of your anxiety. Awareness of these habits are going to become important in the next step. 

Rank the Difficulty of getting Rid of your Avoidance

Make a “ladder” or “hierarchy” on a scale of 1-10. Ask yourself ‘how difficult would it be if tomorrow, I didn’t engage in this avoidance, and instead confronted this situation?”. An example ladder for a college student may look like this:

10/10 - Asking someone on my floor to hang out

8/10 - Sitting at the front of psych 101 and asking a question

6/10 - Eating lunch in the middle of the cafeteria without my airpods

5/10 - Emailing my professor about research assistant opportunities

4/10 - Attending every class in one week

3/10 - Smiling at people on my floor when I pass them

2/10 - Asking a question in my online class with my camera off

Start climbing your ladder

Starting near the bottom, start tackling your fears one by one. Make sure you fully embrace the challenge and take special notice of what happens. Yes, it is likely you will feel increased anxiety and uncomfortable physical symptoms (a normal part of anxiety) while taking on these challenges, yet you might start noticing that the anxiety quickly dissipitates shortly after. Or you may notice that nobody seemed to notice or care that you were doing the uncomfortable task. Once you master some of the task on the the bottom of your ladder, you may even notice that the tasks above become easier to do. 

Next steps

Following the steps above will have you successfully interrupting the patterns of social avoidance in your life. Remember to reward yourself along the way because facing your fears is hard! The good news is, social anxiety is absolutely something that can be controlled and managed successfully with the right treatment. If you are struggling with social anxiety, consider therapy as your first line of defense. Contact the therapists at Brookhaven today for even more tips on tricks on how to make your transition to university / college easier.

Learn more about therapy for anxiety here.