Couples Therapy

Is your loss of intimacy and frequent arguments threatening your relationship?

• Are communication issues leading to defensiveness, criticism and personal attacks?

• Do you feel like you’ve lost the love and respect that once existed in the relationship?

• Are issues with trusting one another getting in the way of enjoying your life?

• Is it starting to feel like you and your partner are more like roommates than romantic partners?

Maybe you’ve tried to repair your relationship on your own, but the same conversations are happening over and over again, and you’re feeling like things only get better for a short while until they are bad again. Relationships are hard, and sometimes love hurts. Whether you and your partner are craving more intimacy, noticing an emotional disconnect, wanting to improve communication, or needing some help in separation or divorce, couples therapy can be a great avenue. Couples therapy can be beneficial for identifying your relationship patterns, removing emotional triggers, and deepening your understanding for one another.

Over and over again, research shows that we thrive in pairs. But what happens when our relationship creates more stress than benefits? We can feel unheard, unseen, disrespected, and/or lonely, even though our partner is sharing the same room. Couples counselling can transform your relationship into something that is nurturing and respectful of one another, creating safety and satisfaction for you both.

Some common relationship problems we work with:

• Infidelity

• Parenting struggles

• Emotional disconnect

• Sexual dysfunction or disconnect

• High conflict or negative communication patterns

• Jealousy or control

• Division of housework

• Considering or working through Divorce or Separation

• Premarital concerns

• Money or career stress

Relationship ruts are not uncommon

Most couples will say that they experience ups and downs in their long-term relationship. This is normal. But what happens when you both feel stuck in rut, and negative communication patterns are very difficult to break? Perhaps the problem is on an individual level, where one of the partners is struggling with their mood or ability to articulate their needs and thus straining the dyadic relationship? Or sometimes relationships are affected because of a change in life circumstances - such as a new career, children, or issues with extended family. When big life changes happen, a couple can struggle to navigate this uncharted territory without serious strain on the relationship.

Couple’s therapy can help you become better partners

Both you and your partner will be asked to think about goals to work on during the course of therapy. What do you want your life to look like? What are small and big differences in your day that would lead you to feel heard, respected and appreciated? Your therapist will help you determine the underlying problems, the realistic goals to work towards, and teach the actionable steps to get there.

One important step in couple’s counselling is to help each other become more effective at communication. This includes managing both verbal and nonverbal language that increases tension and leads to invalidation - such as eye rolling, sighing, or looking at your phone during an important conversation. The role of the couple’s therapist is to teach how to be aware of these ineffective communication habits and replace them with healthier tools.

Couple’s therapy works especially well when you set goals to change yourself (rather than hyper-focusing on what your partner needs to change). You both will make an inner commitment to adapt to change, embrace arguments as opportunities for growth and connection, and work to restore lost intimacy.

You picked your partner for a reason, and couple’s therapy can get you back to that initial love you once had.

Concerns you may have about Couple’s Therapy

Talking to a stranger about our problems will be awkward

It’s understandable that sharing intimate details to a stranger will feel awkward at first. However, the reason couple’s therapy works is because of the addition of an unbiased third party who can help you navigate the conflict. Your therapist has no relationship with either of you, and thus, can remain emotionally unattached to the presenting problems. Friends and family are sometimes helpful, but they tend to take sides, as they fill multiple roles in your life.

Will you take my partner’s side?

A couple’s therapist job is to remain neutral and unbiased. The therapist will maintain a safe, nonjudgemental space to process all thoughts and emotions both you and your partner have. It is not helpful to “prove one person wrong” or try to “shame” one partner for feeling a certain way - this would be detrimental to the goal of therapy!